I write this with a heart heavy with so many things, I cannot even begin to describe them. I feel am being lead and pushed so strongly, yet I cannot define what all is going on in me. So many times, it seems, I come to this point, and wonder if I will ever find the answers I need. I can’t do the things I want to do.
I feel trapped by my feelings and not going anywhere. It’s like my feet are stuck in quicksand and I can’t get out. I am not able to grow nor move forward from this state that I am in.
I am so full of guilt- for the things I have done, the thoughts I have had and still have. I have so many things to clean up and out of my life before I can go any further. It becomes so overwhelming, I wonder if I will ever get anywhere but where I am right now.
So many things weigh me down; so many areas I cannot get a handle on. I worry about what damage I have already done, and the things in my life that I cannot seem to get under control. Many nights I lay awake with so much on my heart and mind that sleep is impossible. My days are heavy with worry and such weariness. I long for some peace, but it escapes me.
I have so many questions and doubts. Where can I ever get all the answers I need when I am not even sure of the questions?? I need wisdom yet, am feeling so ignorant. I need help but don’t even know where to go for it.......
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Hum na samjhe the baath itni si
Don't know why but since today evening this song is buzzing in my mind. Really beautiful song from the movie Gardish (1993). Probably the best performace of Jakie shroff. Javed Akthar's lyrics is really good.
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
Aarzoo humne ki to hum paae
Aarzoo humne ki to hum paae
roshni saath laai thi saaye
saaye gehre the roshni halki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
Sirf veeranee sirf tanhayee
sirf veeranee sirf tanhayee
zindahi humko ye kahan laayee?
kho gayi humse raah manzil ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
kya koi beche kya koi baante
kya koi beche kya koi baante
apne daaman mein sirf hain kaante
aur dukanein hain sirf phoolon ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si...
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
Aarzoo humne ki to hum paae
Aarzoo humne ki to hum paae
roshni saath laai thi saaye
saaye gehre the roshni halki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
Sirf veeranee sirf tanhayee
sirf veeranee sirf tanhayee
zindahi humko ye kahan laayee?
kho gayi humse raah manzil ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
kya koi beche kya koi baante
kya koi beche kya koi baante
apne daaman mein sirf hain kaante
aur dukanein hain sirf phoolon ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si
khaab sheeshe ke
duniya paththar ki
Hum na samjhe the
baat itni si...
Funerals and the abyss it creates in our hearts
Written by W H Auden, this poem stands out to me at least as one of the best funeral poems written ever by poets. First time i heard this one in a movie called 'Four weddings and a funeral' and it immediately touched my heart. Truly amazing poem, written by W H Auden.
Last two paragraphs captures the emptiness/hollowness/loneliness felt by the heart when someone close leaves us never to return.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one:
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods:
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
- by W. H. Auden
Last two paragraphs captures the emptiness/hollowness/loneliness felt by the heart when someone close leaves us never to return.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever; I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one:
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods:
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
- by W. H. Auden
Friday, January 1, 2010
Just forget it............!!!
Did you ever love someone so much that it hurts?
Did you ever hold them in your arms
and were afraid to let them go?
Did you ever wonder why
you fell so madly in love with them?
Did you ever look into their eyes
and see into their soul?
Did you ever know you found the one
who makes your life complete?
Did you ever try to say good-bye
and love the one you're with only to realize
that in your heart you will always love him forever.....
Did you ever hold them in your arms
and were afraid to let them go?
Did you ever wonder why
you fell so madly in love with them?
Did you ever look into their eyes
and see into their soul?
Did you ever know you found the one
who makes your life complete?
Did you ever try to say good-bye
and love the one you're with only to realize
that in your heart you will always love him forever.....
My opinion towards certain aspects of life!!!
It is true that we don’t know what we have got until we lose it but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone. The happiest of people don’t necessary have the best of everything they just make the most of verything that comes along their way. I never laugh at anyone’s dream. When we lose we must not lose the lesson. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship. I open my arms to change but I don’t let go of my values. Sometimes silence is the best answer.
Happiness is ………… flowers from the right person. The heart is happiest when it beats for others. The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands. There is no bigger respect you can pay a subordinate than to hear his point of view. I never answer a critic unless he is right. I’ve learnt that no situation is so bad that losing a temper won’t make it worse. I’ve learned that a everybody wants to be special to someone. I’ve learned that just because someone doest love you the way you want them to, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have. I have learnt that no matter how good a friend someone is, they are going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I have learnt that you should not judge people too quickly sometimes they have a good reason for the way they act. I’ve learned that being kind is more important than being right. I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgive by others sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ve learned that just because two people argue it does not mean that they don’t love each other and just because they don’t argue it doesn’t mean they do. I’ve learned that it does not matter how young or old you are when you get married as long as it to the right person.
I’ve learned that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
Happiness is ………… flowers from the right person. The heart is happiest when it beats for others. The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands. There is no bigger respect you can pay a subordinate than to hear his point of view. I never answer a critic unless he is right. I’ve learnt that no situation is so bad that losing a temper won’t make it worse. I’ve learned that a everybody wants to be special to someone. I’ve learned that just because someone doest love you the way you want them to, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all they have. I have learnt that no matter how good a friend someone is, they are going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I have learnt that you should not judge people too quickly sometimes they have a good reason for the way they act. I’ve learned that being kind is more important than being right. I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgive by others sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ve learned that just because two people argue it does not mean that they don’t love each other and just because they don’t argue it doesn’t mean they do. I’ve learned that it does not matter how young or old you are when you get married as long as it to the right person.
I’ve learned that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
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